I used to be very angry all the time. The anger was always there, simmering within me, ready to flare up when things didn’t go my way. It’s been this way my whole life – even from an early age, I was an angry child who often got into conflicts with both classmates and teachers. That’s me in the photo, which I believe was taken in 1989.
After meditating on the roots of this anger, I realized that I have a strong tendency to want things to go my way. I’ve always fought and tried to “win” in different ways. If I didn’t get my way, I felt less worthy.
At its core, my anger stems from an underlying inferiority complex – a kind of ghost I’ve constantly struggled with and tried to overcome. This has cost a lot of mental energy and has often only ended in frustration and anger.
Losing is the Solution
The path to inner harmony is to dare to give up, to dare to lose. But it’s not about losing with bitterness or sadness – it’s about fully letting go. It’s only then that life opens up new paths, and we can start acting in ways that don’t fuel inner anger.
So, what does it mean to lose? It means letting go of the “self” that demands a certain outcome. Through meditation, we can become aware of our inner striving for control, our fears, and the feelings of worthlessness that can arise with failure. By doing this, we can start to see our inner “self” that constantly strives to win.
Let’s say I realize I can’t keep up with some colleagues at work. They’re simply much more efficient and creative than I am, which creates anger and frustration within me. I get angry at myself and think, “I’m such a loser” or “I’m not good enough.” I might even start looking for reasons why others are better: “They have better conditions” or “They had a better upbringing than I did.”
It’s difficult to avoid these thoughts, but we can take a small step back and allow them to play out within us without fighting them or getting swept away. Let the thoughts be there for a while. We can do this either in the moment, when the feelings arise, or later in a calmer setting in the evening. In this way, we begin to create distance between our awareness and our automatic thought patterns. Through meditation, we can then more easily release these patterns. Over time, we’ll notice it matters less and less whether we “win” or are the “best.” We have “lost” by releasing the demand to win – and in doing so, we have gained peace through losing.
Acceptance of Life's Challenges
Some may say they’ve never won or that their life has been a constant struggle for survival. Such a person may feel bitterness toward life and its injustices. But even this is a sign of an inner fighter who refuses to give up—a part of us that cannot accept life on any terms other than our own. Someone who harbors bitterness toward life due to hardships can find great peace by letting go of this struggle. When this inner battle ceases, new possibilities may naturally start to manifest within.
Why Meditation Works
Meditation is about freeing oneself from the false self, often called the ego. The false self is merely a perceived notion of who I am—a mental construct that only exists in my own thoughts. We often strive to maintain this self-image because the idea of losing it can feel frightening.
The ego—or false self—constantly strives to impose its will and seek control. Even when it “gives up,” it often does so with bitterness and a sense of having lost something. Becoming aware of this dynamic is essential to letting go of it, as true harmony only appears when we stop fighting. By releasing the need to compare ourselves with others, we can naturally appreciate both ourselves and others—and see synergies rather than rivalry.
How to Start Meditating
Meditation isn’t inherently difficult. It’s simply about becoming aware of your patterns through introspection and then letting them go. Staying consistent alone can be challenging, so if you want to progress quickly, it’s helpful to seek guidance at a meditation center. Naturally, I recommend Stockholm Meditation.
Good luck, everyone! 🌟
Michael
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