How to Deal with Jealousy

Many people struggle with jealousy. This can be really tough because jealousy is such a taboo subject. Personally, I have been jealous for as long as I can remember, but thanks to meditation, I have found an effective way to free myself from it.

Why do we feel jealous?

The reason we feel envy is due to our inferiority complex. Because of our inferiority complex, we compare ourselves to others and tell ourselves that we are not good enough if we are not better than or at least as good as others. Since such standards are impossible to achieve (and even if we were to achieve them, our triumph would be short-lived because we would soon start to compare ourselves to something else), we become angry and bitter towards ourselves, other people, and life itself.

In my case, I was very jealous of people who were more driven than me, who were brave and generous, and not shy, cowardly, and petty like me. I envied in particular those who had better social skills and were more popular among women. Despite having talents in many areas, it was not enough. I couldn't appreciate what I had. I wanted to be an entrepreneur. I wanted to start a business, be strong, and independent. But I couldn't do it. I was too shy, too soft, too sensitive to criticism, and too lazy. All I could see were my flaws. I hated myself for these flaws, and I hated others and my life too.

I tried to improve myself. I learned new skills. I read all the self-help books I could get my hands on. I even registered a company to sell weight-loss powder. I made some small progress, but soon hit a wall. A wall that I couldn't overcome. I simply couldn't handle failures and rejections. I was extremely sensitive to rejection; when it happened, I suffered from terrible anxiety attacks and just wanted to kill myself. It was so frustrating and so painful. I sank deeper into bitterness and anger.

Rationalization, positive self-talk, and skill development do not help

We can try to be rational and tell ourselves, "It's not that bad. I eat three meals a day, I have a roof over my head, money, and look fairly good." We can also try to convince ourselves that we are good: "I love myself. I'm good at what I do, etc." But rationalizing in this way doesn't help. Our minds are not cured by rational thinking or positive self-talk. The reason we feel the way we do is due to the deeply rooted inferiority complex in our minds. It's not possible to rationalize away that feeling of inadequacy.

The problem is also not solved by becoming really good at something. While it can have value for other reasons, it is not a solution to the problem of jealousy: no matter how good one becomes at something, envy will be there waiting for an opportunity to show its ugly face when least expected. Becoming good at something while holding onto the feeling of inferiority only strengthens the connection between perceived self-esteem and one's ability/performance, which in turn leads to arrogance, competitiveness, and lack of empathy.

No, the only way to truly be happy and content with oneself is to address the root of the problem, that is, the inferiority complex itself.

Get rid of the root of jealousy through meditation

The pain in my mind drove me crazy, and I desperately searched for a solution. When I was around 32 years old, I started meditating. It was the best decision I ever made in my life. Suddenly, I had a tool with which I could start working on becoming aware of my inferiority complex, working on them, and noticing a change from within.

Through meditation, I could look back at myself and identify moments in my life when I felt inadequate and jealous and let go of those moments. It was a gradual process, and it took time, but I was determined to do it and also received great help from skilled meditation instructors.

I became aware of thought and emotional patterns in my mind and how they were controlled by my underlying inferiority complex. With the help of the meditation method, I was then able to discard them. Gradually, my mind changed. I began to accept myself as I was: I was good at some things and bad at others. I was nothing special and didn't need to be! I was a normal person, and that was okay. When this acceptance sank in, jealousy, anger, and bitterness disappeared.

I stopped comparing myself to others, and I was no longer so afraid of making mistakes or being rejected. I realized that life is a wonderful gift. I have everything I need to make the most of my life. Destiny was in my own hands. What a joy!

All of this happened naturally as a result of meditation. A pure and true mind began to manifest within me, and I became wiser and more mature. As previously noted, one cannot force the mind to develop in this way by convincing it or trying to think "positively." The precondition is that the mind is cleared of the inferiority complex; a pure mind is naturally positive.

So to all who struggle with jealousy: start meditating. It worked for me, and I'm sure it will work for you too.

Michael